2 mins (read)
Imagine
a peaceful and happy relationship, where barriers of disagreements are tucked
away into oblivion, and where the only act before you to perform is
selflessness. How about that? This is possible. There’s always a way out of every
disagreement that confronts us but few see and use it.
The
law of the third factor states that at the extreme end of every two opposing arguments
is the third -- anonymous. To know it, both parties would have to discard their
arguments to collectively reach out to the third factor. This factor has in
itself the answers to the deepest disagreements ever known to man. The
disagreeing parties both need to thrash their arguments to be opened to the
third factor which serves as a tranquilizer. It could take the form of cross
fertilizing both arguments to reach to that third factor – the known. The third
factor appears, initially, as anonymous when the disagreement is heated, and
avail itself when the disagreeing parties open themselves up for settlement.
This
is not compromise – a scary word to some people. This has everything to do with
dropping one’s pride and seeing a different picture. What if at that moment
your points are not valid, however researched they may be? What if the other
party’s points are the truth? Will you allow the truth to permeate your
argument?
Many
hitherto happy homes have been reduced to rubble because of deep cutting disagreements;
blossoming relationships crippled in the knee, and flourishing careers shredded
all because people have decided to disagree even when they are in the wrong. Parents
have driven their children from their homes because of disagreements bordering
on who has the righteous argument. I am on the right. You’re wrong. This way of
thinking and acting has a lot to do with our orientation – our scripting while
growing up. We come to this life with limitless potentials and free-will spirit,
only to be scripted to think in one way. Suddenly everything is reduced to
survival of the fittest. We reduce everything including our relationships into
minions of battles to be won. When we out-talked our partners during
disagreements, we feel buoyed up and exhilarating. What a way to think?
There
are some who employ tantrums to win their little battles over others. They
cling to the make-believe that if you can’t beat them, discredit them. So they
toss words aimed to disorganize the psyche of the other party rendering him/her
inferior and/or less of an animal. This, then, draws the anger of the other
party to hit back resulting in deep cracks in their relationship. Maturity is not about physical expression, it
has much to do with one’s ability to control his emotions in the sight of
provocation. To Eleanor Roosevelt, nobody can make you inferior if you don’t
let them.
You
need to stop reducing the relationships in your life into minions of battles to
be won over. We need a new paradigm of thought. Instead of thinking win-lose,
why not think win-win. You win, I win. You cannot begin to imagine the
happiness that will be opened to you when instead, you endeavor to understand
the standpoint of the other party. Sometimes we deceive ourselves when we utter
statements like, “I understand your point”, ‘I have been where you are right
now” and “I feel for you”. No you don’t. Not at all. To demonstrate your
understanding, discard the narration of your autobiography and listen for once
to the other party. Sometimes by thinking their way you win their confidence
for yourself which brings huge dividends in the future.
Sometimes
the third factor is Christ Jesus – sacrifice, unconditional love, and/or
selflessness. Think about it. Perhaps it’s win-win. Or collective victory. Or it’s
you.
****************************************************************************
For
more on Kwabena Brako-Powers please visit his blog on: www.brakopowers.blogspot.com or www.brakopowers.com. Please do share your
comments with me. I am interested in learning from you as you learn from.
No comments:
Post a Comment